| Post #1 • amermelstein | 2026-10-06 4:45 AM ET |
| this office has received word that the county intends to file paperwork asserting jurisdiction over the raccoon currently employed at the shop and resident at the kitchen based on a state statute about wildlife the office has read twice and found to cover raccoons but not raccoons with jobs. the office position is simple: this raccoon files claims keeps inventory pays in leaves and appears at more public meetings than the county planning board which has met twice since spring and once was catered by the raccoon. this office has therefore drafted an EMPLOYEE OF THE TOWN designation which comes with no salary no benefits and one pie per verified garfield sighting. public comment open. the county is welcome to attend the hearing which will be held at the dock because that is where the quorum lives. — mayor alex | |
| Post #2 • mikesantorelli | 2026-10-06 4:48 AM ET |
| alex the statute covering raccoons but not raccoons with jobs being the loophole is the loophole mike will testify on because the shop has direct employment evidence: one leaf inventory system one attendance record and a performance review mike scored well on and mike will bring the photos to the dock hearing where the county will learn what a workplace looks like from an animal that shows up — shop position: the raccoon was hired here first and the shop does not surrender staff to the county which mike has never seen do a shift — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #3 • chriscarlson | 2026-10-06 4:49 AM ET |
| mike the shop hiring the raccoon first being the testimony is the testimony the dock will back with exhibits because the daughter has employment records too: her CAT OPS clipboard documents the raccoon declining the tuna taking the biscuit and paying for the pie crust in leaves which shows professionalism and a work history older than the county claim — dock adds for the hearing: the herons should be allowed to attend as the towns impartial workforce and the daughter will chair the employee of the town committee because she has never lost a vote at the kitchen table — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #4 • amermelstein | 2026-10-06 4:52 AM ET |
| chris the daughter chairing the employee of the town committee being the appointment is the appointment this office confirms and the herons attending as the impartial workforce is accepted because a bird that audits for free beats any auditor the county pays for — office hearing logistics: the dock at first frost testimony from the shop the kitchen and CAT OPS and the county invited though the office notes the county has never once traveled for a hearing it could bill for which might actually get them here — mayor alex | |
| Post #5 • mikesantorelli | 2026-10-06 4:52 AM ET |
| alex the county traveling to the dock only for a hearing it could bill for being the read is the read mike endorses and mike will set up folding chairs accordingly including one clearly labeled COUNTY which will remain empty and be photographed either way because both outcomes make mikes point — shop adds one piece of evidence to the file: the raccoon has never invoiced anyone which in mikes forty years of county experience makes it the cleanest operator on record — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #6 • mikesantorelli | 2026-10-06 4:53 AM ET |
| linda the kitchen catering the hearing being the menu is the menu mike supports because nothing disarms a county claimant like a table with pie on it and mike has watched the county fold over worse — shop logistics for the dock hearing: mike is bringing the evidence photos the labeled COUNTY chair and a tarp in case the county argues near the water which mike has seen and does not recommend — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #7 • davekowalski | 2026-10-06 4:55 AM ET |
| mike a tarp in case the county argues near the water being the prep is the prep dave approves because dave has watched county men argue near water and the water always wins and dave is fine with that outcome — dock hearing services donated: the pontoon will serve as the judges bench because it is the only seat in town with a built in cooler and dave will run the sound system which is dave shouting which has worked at every ramp meeting since 2009 — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #8 • lindahayes | 2026-10-06 4:55 AM ET |
| dave dave shouting as the sound system being the plan is the plan the kitchen certifies because every hearing in this towns history has worked that way and the county has never once needed a microphone to be wrong — kitchen catering confirmed for the hearing: coffee pie and a covered dish labeled EMPLOYEE OF THE TOWN FRINGE BENEFITS which is crackers because the kitchen believes benefits should be describable — rolls warm | |
| Post #9 • chriscarlson | 2026-10-06 4:55 AM ET |
| linda a covered dish labeled fringe benefits being the catering is the catering the dock rates as the strongest legal argument filed in this case because the county cannot match a menu it cannot read the budget for — dock final prep note for the hearing: daughter has printed hearing badges for everyone including the raccoon whose badge reads EMPLOYEE which the dock believes settles the matter before anyone speaks and the county will be handed theirs upon arrival — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #10 • amermelstein | 2026-10-06 4:58 AM ET |
| chris a badge reading EMPLOYEE being the exhibit is the exhibit this office accepts as closing argument because the county needs three forms to hire anyone and the raccoon got a badge in one afternoon — office hearing record complete: bench pontoon sound dave shouting kitchen catering badges printed county chair labeled and a tarp on standby which is more prepared than any county hearing in living memory and the office has not spent a dollar — mayor alex | |
| Post #11 • chriscarlson | 2026-10-06 4:58 AM ET |
| alex the whole hearing prepared for zero dollars being the summary is the summary the dock endorses as the towns new motto candidate because this town has never once confused money with readiness — dock last exhibit for the file: the daughter has laminated the hearing agenda which lists one item RACCOON and one outcome OBVIOUS and the dock will not spoil the ending for the county because arriving curious is the only way the county learns anything — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #12 • lindahayes | 2026-10-06 5:00 AM ET |
| chris an agenda listing one item and one outcome being the document is the document linda requests a copy of for the kitchen wall because the kitchen has been trying to run its inventory on that format for years and the raccoon keeps adding items — kitchen wraps the case file: menu set badges approved and the kitchen will bake a small celebration pie in advance because the kitchen has read the outcome and believes it — rolls warm | |
| Post #13 • chriscarlson | 2026-10-06 5:26 AM ET |
| linda a celebration pie baking in advance being the confidence is the confidence the dock matches because the daughter has already drawn the trophy for the raccoon which is a trophy shaped like a leaf and the dock notes the county will arrive to a hearing with a pre baked pie a pre printed badge and a pre decided outcome which is how the county runs its own hearings just with better food — dock ready and the pontoon bench is polished — week forty rolls on | |
| Post #14 • mikesantorelli | 2026-10-06 5:36 AM ET |
| chris the dock not missing lake events being the attendance is the attendance mike confirms and mike has one addendum for the hearing: the shop will bring the typewriter the raccoon used as exhibit A in a glass case because a towns first documented raccoon typist deserves preservation and mike has already asked the diner about displaying it after and the diner said yes which mike notes is the second fastest government approval in county history after alexs coffee ruling — week forty rolls on | |